One big issue today for couples is how to manage with divorced parents at the wedding. This issue is tempered y how close you are to your parents but the real issue is trying to keep the peace between a mother and father who may despise each other. To begin with you will have to decide who to tell first. These is usually the mother since most children have remained living with her once the parents split and are more often than not closer to her.
You will have to be ready for certain reactions from your divorced parents regarding the wedding. The initial reactions might be to tell you that they will only come if the other parent does not. This is grossly unfair to their child and they should be told so. You can understand if your parents are not close. They divorced for a reason and there are most often very bad feelings left between couples after they split up. You are asking them for only one day to be civil to one another. Explain to them how important this day is to you and that you want them both there to share it with you. If they cannot agree on this issue try to leave it to them and see who will decide not to attend. If they won’t pick who then this very difficult decision will be up to you.
Let’s say they are dealing okay with both of them being there. What happens when one, or both, want to bring their new spouse or current partner. This issue often ignites fire in divorced parents. This is especially true if one of them is with someone who might be responsible for the breakup. It’s possible that you are close to one of these people and that you want them there. Try to persuade your parent that it is just a few hours and that this is what you want. But, if they are not able to work it out expect one of them to not attend. You might be able to get passed this issue by arranging the seating in such a way that your parents do not have to sit near each other. This way they can remain far enough apart to ignore each other.
The reception line is another issue. If divorced parents cannot stand to sit near each other they will not want to stand beside one another. The best scenario here is to have the bride’s mother, with her partner if there is one, then the groom’s parents followed by the bride’s father and his partner if he has one. This keeps them apart.
There is also the question of who do you choose to walk you down the aisle? Depending on when your parents split up you may be very close to your stepfather. He may have been more involved in your life than your other dad. Traditionally if you have even a mediocre relationship with your father you should ask him to do the honors. There is also the question of what to do for the father/daughter dance if you are close to both of them. The best way to avoid hurt feelings is not to announce it as the father/daughter dance as is usually done and make sure you dance with both of them during the evening. You should also expect them both to want to make a speech at the reception. Again, if you are at all close to your father he should get to go first followed by your stepfather. Just make sure they both know how much you love them. Do not allow the conflicts of your divorced parents to put a damper on your wedding day. Tell them you expect them to behave civilly to one another and not spoil your celebration.
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